3 More Months, Not 4 More Years (in short, FUCK BUSH)

Many of you probably don't realize that this is one of the most important elections that will ever take place in our lifetimes. And for those of you who support Bush or who are considering voting for Bush, please read along. After you read this, you have to fucken insane to vote or support the piece of shit who calls himself President.

[PLEASE NOTE: I could never find the source for the guy who thought up Bush's Presidential Resume. For now, the author is "Anonymous".]
Bush's Presidential Resume:

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.


ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
- I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
- I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
- I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
- With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
- I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
- I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
- I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
- I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
- I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
- I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
- I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
- I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
- My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
- My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
- I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
- I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
- I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
- I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
- I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
- I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
- I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
- I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
- I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
- I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
- I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
- I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
- I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
- I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
- I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
- I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.
- In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
- I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
- I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
- I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
-All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
- All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
- All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

Off-Track Stuff

I don't usually do these things for my blog since just about everybody else has them on their xanga/blog, but today's the exception. Summer's been pretty boring so I don't have much to commentate about. Radioshack told us an hour into the job application process that they were 113% overstaffed..... YOU FUCKERS! Anyways, those birthday personality tests seem pretty accurate for most people. Let's see how accurate they are for me....

For those born in January (like me):

Stubborn and hard-hearted << stubborn.... yes... hard-hearted... that's surprising... but no
Ambitious and serious << I don't read Fortune and L.A. Times Business section for nothing... damn right I am
Loves to teach and be taught << yeah I love to teach because I can explain complex crap in simple terms... but I'm only taught when I choose to be taught (refer to "stubborn")
Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses << true... but a flaw for myself too
Likes to criticize << this is my major flaw...
Hardworking and productive << when I have to.... I can't be stopped! (refer to "Ambitious and serious")
Smart, neat and organized << refer to "Hardworking and productive"
Sensitive and has deep thoughts << sometimes too sensitive... which I hate... deep thoughts.... can't freakin' sleep early like everybody else because I think too damn much
Knows how to make others happy << some more than others.... unfortunately...
Quiet unless excited or tensed << true... people who first meet me usually confuse me for either one of them
Rather reserved << no
Highly attentive << only when I have to be.... and I usually don't have to be
Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds << damn right.... I prefer juice over soda
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love << mixed answer.... sigh....
Loyal << true.... but some people refuse to acknowledge this
Has great social abilities yet easily jealous << been trying to fix the jealous part...

Great Publicity in Odd Ways

It's amazing how weird ass search terms get me noticed. So if you guys ever forget what the address for my xanga/blog is, just plug these suckers into Google and you'll find it:

ucr parking << comes up second
blog + "jiu jitsu"
jackson tang UCR
sacramento "The STEAM MACHINE"
"the iraqi government website" << guess who's 2nd!
retarded loser << referring to the awards I give out.... not me!!

For those of you who use MSN to search, don't worry you haven't been left out of this great feature. Just type in:

Lesbians taking showers << Don't ask me how that works

Yahoo.com users, you haven't been left out either! Just look for me by searching for:

picture Carl Aqua Teen

Happy searching!

Quote of the Week

Ohhhhhhhh good.

Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, after leprechauns stole his house

Random Question of the Week

Q: What can you do with the $5 that Rob will eventually pay you?
A:

1.) Pay off some of my credit card debt
2.) Buy a Laker flag for my new car
3.) Buy 4 Sausage McMuffins from McDonalds
4.) Buy 4 mouth-watering carne asada tacos from Michoacan
5.) Buy crayons to throw at Anoop and then use the rest to put in the gas tank of the car that belongs to the bitch who lied in Sociology to save her own ass

Half-baked Review: Sennheiser HD497 Headphones

Have you ever owned a product that was so good that it sucked? I bet you haven't! That's because you probably don't own these Sennheiser HD497 headphones. What I'm about to say will sound strange but is true: these headphones are so good that they suck. You can hear everything with these headphones. When I'm not listening to music, I literally hear all the crap that's going on inside my quiet laptop. I can clearly hear my freakin' fingers softly sliding across the shell of my laptop. If you have a loud computer/laptop, do get these headphones. You'll have fun.


They're $60 at Amazon.com

Random Question of the Day

Q: Can you come up with three alternate uses for crayons?
A:

1.) Throw at Anoop
2.) Put them in the gas tank of a car belonging to someone you don't like
3.) Create the Leaning Tower of Crayons

Picture of the Week

In the words of the great Rick James, "SLAP!"

Random Question of the Day

Q: What's the most childish game/prank to play on a co-worker?
A: Spread a massive rumor about his/her supposedly imminent firing. "You might as well get your desk, files, folders, and whatever family pictures packed and ready to go, you know, makes it easier," said I to the co-worker.

RANTS N RAVES: Kickboxing and Jiu-Jitsu

Rant: Blocking a kick and getting hit in the nerve
I crumbled........... like a shrimp.

Rant: My cardio during kickboxing

Instructor: He's tired! Hit him!
Me: DAMN IT

Considering the fact that I've been on cross country and track & field for three years, it's pretty damn embarrassing to completely gas out after ONE ROUND, each round being 2 minutes long. It's a good thing I've developed strategies to effectively stall a fight.

Rant: My cardio during jiu-jitsu
It's even more embarrassing when I tap out from exhaustion. "Fuck it, I'm tired. You win," said I.

Rant: Sparring against the instructor
I literally flew and rolled backwards twice when he kicked me. Rematch in a year.

Rave: My Muay Thai combinations kick ass
'nuff said.